Sit Still Look Pretty

Who else has moments of feeling like a disappointment??

I happen to have these moments the most when around my grandparents. The traditionalists who find it unfathomable that a 24 year old woman is single with no children.

This all goes back to the holidays but will become relevant soon…..bare with me.

Soooooo the usual awkward get together with them occurs. Topics usually 1.weather 2.school 3.politics 4.relationship status (for me only, of course) because my sister’s still “young” ๐Ÿ™„.

This year, however, the awkwardness was at a minimum. I talked to my grandma about music and introduced her and my grandfather to Snapchat…….which is always entertaining when introducing anyone to haha……..the night was going smoothly and quickly. No unbearable questions asked. First sign of disappointment from them was when I informed them of my going back to school. My grandfather didn’t understand that. But they faked excitement and it was fine. The real disappointment was when we were saying our goodbyes (my mother, father, sister, and I) me and my sister were just about out the door when my grandfather just had to ask, “So Jordan, you don’t have a boyfriend do you?” Me “ummm no…” immediately thinking of someone (who’s irrelevant now) who was definitely not a boyfriend but a “friend” Him “yeah I figured” Me, thinking “wtf is that supposed to mean??” My grandmother “she’s focused on school” Him “oh yeah she’s being ‘smart'” Her “For now” Me….again…..thinking “wtf” first I’m shamed for being single, now shamed for being smart……..for now!

Once we get back to the car my mother tells me he asked if he “hit a nerve” to which she responded that I’ve dated but just hasn’t found someone serious. My sister asks me “why does he always ask if you have a boyfriend??”

I’m 24, OBVIOUSLY a woman should be married way before 24. Being 24 and still single?! I mean, you’re almost 30! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ add insult to injury (always wanted to use that phrase) I have no kids, unless you want to count Bubby ๐Ÿถ

To recap, 24 year old women should be married and “birthin’ babies”, running a household…..cause heaven forbid a woman work outside of the home.

“You get off on your nine to five

Dream of picket fences and trophy wives

But no, I’m never gonna be ’cause I don’t wanna be

No, I don’t wanna sit still look pretty”

So, on the opposite side of this coin,

Coming back to relevance. If you read my previous post, I may want casual and fun but I still want “chivalry”.

I would liked to be picked up, mainly because I do not have a vehicle. I don’t understand how someone, who you intend to have sex with, can get annoyed that he has to pick you up. I mean HELLO! You do realize what’s gonna happen don’t you??? You’re getting sex out of this. The least you can do is give a girl a lift.

I don’t want the picket fence but I still want the respect.

There you have it.

I hope this made sense haha.

Xoxo

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Epiphany

I’m 24 years old and for the first time in my 24 years I’m ready to have fun.

I don’t want a serious relationship until I’m done with school and have my life somewhat together…..I mean if a relationship happens, well, then it happens. No stopping it. But as long as I have a say, I say no.

I want to date, meet people, have sex, not have sex……whatever.

Why is there so much pressure and stress and hoopla that surrounds sex??

I mean it’s just chemistry and physicality, human nature……..Hahahaha “why? Why? Tell em that it’s human nature” ๐Ÿ˜‰

So right now I’m re-talking to this guy. A guy who before I wanted a relationship with and didn’t have sex with him because I knew he didn’t want a relationship……but now I don’t want a relationship, I want sex. Friends with benefits, no emotional strings attached. People (a list shorter than 5 people) are shocked by this. “How could you want that?” “This isn’t like you!”

Blah blah blah

It’s odd to have come to this point in my life where my heart is a box, in a safe, within a brick wall, in the ocean, buried in the sand. And at the moment it’s cool calm and collected. No muss no fuss.

On top of that I’m ready to date other people, since I’m not tied down to anyone. Does this make me a hoe? No.

Mama didn’t raise no hoe.

Don’t you forget that.

Ever.

The way I see it, as long as there’s honesty, respect, and you’re both on the same page…things should be hunky Dory.

Alright…….that’s my ramblings for today. Been a hot minute since I’ve blogged it out to you lovely people.

And if any family members are ready this……….heh awkward.

Until next time.

Xoxo

War of Heartsย 

Hello Jotaters!!! 

I know it’s been a hot minute! 

Summer? Came and went

Fall? Is now upon us 

It’s now October!!!! How insane is that?!?!

Soooooooo let’s get to it, shall we? 

This past month has been……..rough, are house was gonna get sold, then didn’t…..then did……then didn’t ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธmy uncle passed away, which was very sad. Especially for my cousins and aunt. Knowing the relationship they had with each other and me being slightly selfish (in my head) feeling jealous, not having a relationship like that with either of my grandfathers. Having a sense of loss for what I never had. His funeral however, seeing how loved and respected he was throughout his life…..it was inspiring. 

On a more positive note, I feel at ease with my life…..? Does that make sense? I know the path I want to take to get to where I want to end up. I’m learning to let things go…….though it’s a struggle hahaha the stress of life that just needs to melt away, the fears that should drive me forward, not hold me back. 

This quote has stuck with me today. It’s the definition of what I want to accomplish out of life. For the first time in a LOOOOONG time I feel I’m in the right direction. 

Candy Girl (Sugar)ย 

At some point in my life, I hope a guy looks at me the way Jughead looks at Betty. 

Yes, I just finished binge watching Riverdale……..

SPOILERS 

I totally ship Bughead! 

Throughout the show I felt these two characters could only be their true selves….even if their true self is dark sometimes…..with each other. 

Just the way Jughead looks at Betty is swoonworthy. 

FYI if you didn’t love Cole Sprouse before (how could you not) then you will definitely love him in Riverdale.

I honestly haven’t seen that depth of chemistry on tv in awhile. You could see sparks just from a simple touch, which is amazing to me. That’s what true love is, sparking at the smallest thing. 

I think this song, in it’s true Archie’s fashion is a great song for this couple…..and this show 

WATCH RIVERDALE!!! 

Xoxo 

I Say A Little Prayer For You

1. You! Yes you! Must watch My Best Friend’s Wedding at some point in your life! 

Ok, had to get that out of the way……

And you better do it you little turds!

Jk. You’re not turds

Unless you are 

Then you are most definitely turds

Ooooooookay moving on……

The song is a very “find your happy place” song for me.

When I’m feeling overwhelmed or too in my head, I just close my eyes and start singing this song, whether it’s my singing it on stage in my womanbrain (Crazy Ex Girlfriend reference) or it’s singing it outloud…..usually to Hurls haha

And if you’ve watched Glee then you know it’s difficult to sing/listen to this song and not do the “unholy trinity” dance…..

It is, very difficult

It’s just a great feel good song 

You can dance, clap, snap, jazzercise….whateva 

And as I’m typing this and having a hard time falling asleep, it’s helping to put my mind at ease and make me sleepy.

So on that note imma hit the hay.

With Aretha singing me to sleep

Goodnight 

What’re your zen songs??

Xoxo

Music to me

 

When asked “what do I love more than anything?” Usually one of the first things people say is music, which is correct. 

I’m currently laying in bed, under the covers, with my headphones on and James Bay’s Scars is playing and it’s the second run through of the song. I’ve listened to this song many times. It’s one of my favorites of his songs, but tonight, I closed my eyes and it was like listening to it for the first time. Like I’ve grown to really understand the song, to really hear it and listen to his words. 

Have you ever grown into a song? 

Do you really listen to the music? 

I love that music allows you to escape. For 3 or 4 minutes you press play and lose yourself. You let a song become a part of you, to run into your veins. Your brain tries to decipher all of the emotions going through you at once and your heart is never the same again, all because of that one song. 

Music is and always be apart of me.

Thousands of songs tell my story of who I am. 

I am forever changed by those songs and the lyrics that run forever in my veins. 

Xoxo

Issues

“I got issues, you got them too” 

Alrighty folks, sense my last post was about “insecurities” this post is about “quirks” 

Let’s see…….where to begin…..oh, I know. 

My dog comes first above……most things…haha, and heads up, if he doesn’t like you then odds are I probably won’t/don’t.

I laugh, A LOT, especially if I’m nervous or in an awkward situation, I try to make jokes during serious moments. 

I’m not patriotic, political, or really religious….I feel more connected to the Earth than anything else. Fun fact, I do my best thinking in, near, or around water. 

I’m a carnivore who’s against animal cruelty (of any shape or form) 

I’m an old soul who loves music, fashion, and books. In that order. 

I have a fear of loud noises, above any other fears…..like legit fear. I panic and plan my escape route haha 

Smoking disgusts me, if you smoke then chances are I won’t be around you. 

I LOVE candles! Favorites include: vanilla, cupcake, maple, cotton candy, lavender, chia latte. 

I’m SUPER organized, I like order. 

I like having control…..

I’m impatient, opinionated, inquisitive, stubborn, at time  indecisive, I love surprises but will hound you to death about it. 

I suck at lying, which I’m ok with because I hate secrets. 

I’m super close with my family (parents and siblings) 

This is beginning to sound like a dating application hahahaha all interested bachelors please comment below….haha

I love baking, don’t cook.

I’m not sure if I’m marriage material, I like my space and am not very “touchy feely” lol  I’d probably decide to have kids before I decide to get married haha

So yeah, “I got issues” ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

Take it or leave it 

Xoxo